by Luis Gonzalez

It’s hard to put into words how it feels to be an artist during this time. There is so much that we are undergoing that no one was prepared for. Globally people are dying, economies are on the verge of collapse, theatres are closed, ballet companies can’t perform or rehearse, dancers all over the world are going unpaid–with no promise of upcoming paychecks. Careers in the arts are decidedly of an uncertain nature, and so in that sense I suppose the lifestyles we’ve led have in some ways provided insight into what it takes to navigate chaos; and maybe sometimes to even thrive in it.

The enterprise of abrupt change bleeding into our lives can feel like a merciless, consistent and destructive threat as it does to many of our livelihoods and mediums for expression right now. Still all one has to do is look around and see where people are finding shelter from the anxiety and where they find the ability to still be exposed to growth from different perspectives. Art, music, dance, movies, and television shows. Stories are being told through many different mediums that make life within our bland confinements have color. If anything, the global pandemic has shown us all the level of resilience that the art within us can provide. 

I am no stranger to anxiety, and as I write I know that this is one of the many generous mediums I frequent whenever I find myself in need of the kind of peace that is only rendered through the process making a thing. I’m sitting at my desk with a cup of hot black coffee, looking out on to a rainy Georgia morning–just trying to process the fact the state of the world as it was when I went to bed just a few weeks ago was stripped out from under us. The one we woke up to was sick and uncertain and lonely, and – although some of them tried to convince us otherwise – no mentor, no politician, no figure of authority had any of the answers.

I remember having the feeling for the first time in a long time of not knowing what to do with myself. My season had dropped off at a time when I was probably in the best shape I’ve been in my entire career. I had come off doing a full length classical ballet where I was pushed to dance dynamic virtuoso steps that were outside of my comfort zone as the Jester in Victoria Morgan’s Cinderella, and we were going full speed ahead into the next triple bill which included Jessica Lang’s Lyric Pieces, Robert’s Visions, and Val Caniparoli’s Lambarena. My body, my heart, and my art felt in sync. In my experience, as well as experiences that have been shared with me, no career gives you that feeling all the time, and some don’t have it at all, but when it happens in dance it’s one of the most euphoric states one can experience. In many ways an abrupt drop-off from that can feel like withdrawal.

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